write hard and clear about what hurts

caked on a pound of flesh
pink or is it brown? what matter, it smears in like the rest.
hallow unrested eyes, cracking lips,
nails ragged with rips~
the pain is harder to hide
thankfully safe; no cares to look inside.

one last look in the mirror with searching eyes:

as long, as long, as long
as long as it appears it's fine.

"Let's face it. Mother Teresa doesn't look that good in a negligee. And Team Hoyt won't sell beer commercials to the networks. But when the ball players and the supermodels end up in rehab, we end up asking esoteric questions about what makes a hero. In the movies the good looking actor who gets the girl is easy to point to. But after he gets the girl, then the house, and then a few kids and then a divorce and then another girl. Then what? After all of the special effects are gone, we're left with an aging mortal who looks a bit awkward on the talk shows. Perhaps we've set our goals too low. Or perhaps we've got it backwards." --Jon Foreman

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-foreman/goodness-precedes-greatne_b_322551.html

impossible

"What is your biggest dream?"  "To have my own house. With two stories." --HONY   (Kasangulu, Democratic Republic of Congo)

...
ohhh if they only knew... the world really isn't any better two stories up (or ten stories for that matter, trust me.)

still, you have to almost chuckle, the deep low almost inaudible kind.

wow. there's life. so simple, so poignant.

i've definitely thought like that~ yep every day of my life. okay, maybe my "biggest dream" isn't to have a two story house (a pretty attainable thing in middle class u.s.a.) but i've definitely thought small like that.

now let's get this straight, i have zero intention to make light of the dreams of these dear boys, or diminish the significance of their lofty wish based on their heart-wrenching circumstances. they have lives harder than i'll probably ever know... but what i do mean to do is put into perspective this concept of our "greatest dreams".

forgive the comparison, but life's sometimes like this unbelievably huge ritzy gourmet restaurant-- and not knowing any better, we order a crust of bread because we can't begin to fathom the fillet mignon. it's called having a limited view. being finite.

surroundings definitely impact our greatest wants. i can't tell you how many times i've heard someone whining "every one else around me is in a relationship and my life would be complete if i just had a significant other." or "i would be so much happier if i just had that house with the white picket fence in the 'burbs and 2.5 kids" or "man, if i made as much money as my bosses's boss, boy would i be living"

or "if i could only get on shark tank to present my idea of air activated self-heating pizza rolls, i'd feel significant..." (hey what!? i don't see me judging you! ;)

our dreams aren't big enough. they can't be.
we don't know what's good for us. we don't even know what to even begin to ask for. i've been thinking a lot about how often we limit God by what we pray about. i'm going to stop asking God about all those silly "two story house" type dreams and start asking God to do the impossible...


anybody that knows me, knows i am particularly fascinated with humans of new york. check it out, yo.

strange

ach that strange rhythm,

when the world swirls and falls and your heart beats so loud you think it will break.

when each breath expands your chest but not your lungs.

dizzy and silly and scared and happy.

everything echos across the wood floor and time trickles slower.


mirrors and mirrors but we don't see ourselves...

the other's speck still blinds us.

the eyes daze and blur, but the hands--

strangely the hands have no need to rationalize..

the hands can remember that feeling even two hundred years from now.

written on 6/20/2013, copyright mvm2014

oh Lord,

be my firm foundation.

transience
noun
the state or fact of lasting only for a short time; transitory nature.
i.e. "the transience of life and happiness"

summer showers/seasons/feelings/breath and existence... all are subject to change, and have no guarantee as to their length.

the grass withereth, the flower fadeth, but God your Word shall stand for ever.

maybe i'm a dreamer

somedays...

believe it or not, this doesn't even cover it.

yep.

BAD BAD BAAAAAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BADDD BAD BAD BAD Bad bad bad BAD BAAAAD Bad BAD day, ya'll. 

...

ah. there~ i feel better already for expressing myself quite so articulately.

 and may i add, so succinctly! not to brag or anything but~ 20 words properly handled, mind you, can certainly paint a masterpiece.

street artist

two

types of smiles. 

there is one that tilts the corners of your lips up & there is the one that reaches up into your eyes. 

i like that one. :)

what if

we stopped being jaded. stopped being numb. stopped being so self-centered.

In the words of

the sometimes simplistically elegant jack johnson,
"lovin' someone... don't make them love you"

i should know, i've been on both sides of the coin a few too many times than i care to remember.

oh God, remember those prayers consisting solely of the words "lord, make him love me" chanted over and over?! yeah, i'm not proud of it. teenage desperation, what can i say. (would you like some over-easy eggs with that rare honesty?) .... hey, at least i admit it.

anyways, women get the notorious bad (w)rap for this, {though we alllll do it}, we basically want what we can't have.

maybe it traces back to the garden of eden, or was it when the notebook came out?~ who knows. but i've also blocked enough numbers of real-life stalker dudes to know that it is by no means a female-exclusive issue.

it's been my experience in relationships (heck, even in friendships too), that there is always one person of the two that cares a little less than the other.

yeah i'll be the 7 billionth person to commiserate right with you:
"one-sided relationships.. suck"

so don't be in one.
that's right, you heard me right~
you do have a choice in the matter don't you?

don't waste your time on something you know is one-sided. here's a bright idea~ just be excellent to each other. and that's it. all those unrealistic expectations for that other person? throw 'em right out the window. giving to get is not any kind of real love.

it's amazing what a freeing feeling that is to quit trying to play God and conniving your way into a relationship with someone that wasn't meant to be. plus, it seems like a pretty widely accepted fact that it's all around just 'better' to not be delusional.

i mean, follow my example if nothing else~ me and david beckham have somehow managed to stay pretty amicable throughout the years.... even though i told him he's too old for me and i don't even like sports.

creative::

good old shel silverstein... how accurate is this caricature. i absolutely hate how it is such the modern norm to criticize anyone who has a different way of thinking. 

(well, {you say}missy, you're in fact criticizing those that think criticizing is good.)

1st of all don't call me 'missy'~it's ms. to you! & second of all let me make a point haha.

i was reading this very good article and was just struck once again wondering why everyone seems to think we all need to think the same way. "big business" is notorious for this. why don't we zap away all aspects of functioning humanity and make you essentially a juke box robot??! push the button, get the song. only in this case... song and dance. 

found music.

valentine schmalentine

truth of the matter is... saying i'm "kind of" a feminist, well~ let's just say is putting it mildly.

i have a major problem with what seems to be men and society's generalized norms of male/female expectations.

but i don't have time for all that. I will focus this weeks' spirited one sided discussion on a particular classic behavior set that drives me wild. (& not in a good way~ ugh really! have you been listening to anything I've been saying!?)

1. THE CAVE-MAN FORMULA
(equivalent roughly to: ME SINGLE + U SINGLE = U NOT ONLY REQUIRED BUT ALSO OBLIGATED TO DATE ME.

yep, let's just discount that the other person has any kind of brain or any inkling of interest in you and man-handle them into a relationship with you! I mean, c'mon~ why wouldn't you?

and women! don't you know you are nothing as a unattached female and surely your only validation in life is to be thrown over the arm of whatever brute that approaches you!? moreover, you should be happy and thankful for being 'selected' and promptly make a sammich to express your joy.

guys~ maybe that girl you're so baffled by why she doesn't like you~ take a step back and THINK: 'hmm... am i just assuming that because she is single she will by default have a strong emotional bond and connection with me?' 'does she perhaps have some other ambitions in life other than me a random creeper?'

ugh nevermind. enough~ if you will excuse me, i have some better things to do:

this song playing on my car stereo

driving home from work tonight, this song playing on the radio, and the snow was falling horizontally on my windshield. it was honestly beautiful. i had never seen snow fall like that. i wish i would have taken a video, but i doubt it would have captured it anyway.

the singers' twangy voice sang~

"runaway train, never goin' back
wrong way on a one-way track
seems like i should be getting somewhere somehow i'm neither here nor there" 

God, i hope i'm not on the wrong track. i hope you'd turn me around or stop me if i was headed to de-rail... i hope you use me, where ever it is i'm going. my life's an open book, write your name on every page.