autumn bus stop

leaves with an ardency, akin to fury,  rush down hitting my face,

angrily removed from loftier heights by the direct of time.

groaning, gasping wind seeking cracks in bricks, and jacket rips

riled: wanting where it is not, unsatisfied.


people stand blowing breath, like impatient horses;

and hands bearing pulse, made only to

touch

shoved far down, encased deep into pockets.

God bless the last ones

 nick vujicic is one of my heroes and i just like this song.

~My friend Taylor she's an angel Ten years old and beautiful She's a living, breathing miracle And she proves it everyday 'Cause the odds were stacked against her from the day that she arrived here And the doctors told her mom and dad she'd always be that way And I confess when I first met her I was thinking life's not fair But then she wrapped her arms around my neck And it all became so clear

God bless the last ones

One day Taylor sent me a picture from her Special Olympics race And I could tell just by the looks of it she was coming in last place But she crossed that finish line with a smile upon her face as if to say

God bless the last ones

Maybe the last ones are the lucky ones The ones who got this whole thing figured out 'Cause when they go looking for something beautiful They start looking from the inside out

On our way into the restaurant we passed a homeless man He was half drunk and half asleep with a paper cup in his hand And I confess when I first saw him I was thinking life's not fair But then Taylor reached out and wrapped her arms around his neck And it all became so clear

God bless the last ones

I wish we could all be the lucky ones The ones who've got this whole thing figured out Maybe the next time we go looking for beautiful we'll try looking from the inside out

God bless the last ones~

curly hair girls represent!

i don't care if anyone else in the world likes her hair, i love it. it's so free..... and genunine like her. beautiful.

and that song, it makes my heart roll back a bit.

it's kind of hard

to look on the brightside sometimes.

so... on and off over the last two weeks i have tried to see the good in some of life's unpleasantness... and have found surprisingly many.

i remember one such realization came the day i went to a retreat. i spent the whole 3.4 miles on foot (carrying 4 heavy odd shaped and overstuffed bags & bedding) UPHILL, also may i mention, beside a busy road with leering drivers--with improper footwear on, (and i don't mean the drivers had improper footwear, either! ....but they probably did. meanies.) to the destination where we would be leaving for said retreat.

all that very long sentence to say, i spent every step of that walk of doom saying in my head "crap, crap, crap, crap... " yep, every step. strangely, at the time, i didn't see a thing wrong with this. 

*okay. the hill wasn't so steep that the sidewalk had steps, but... ;)

it was painful, and hurt to be honest. also it was just plain humiliating. i looked like a dork carrying all of that and it didn't help to become expressly notified of this in chicer terms or worse doppler-effect laughing. plus, it's annoying in the first place to not just be able to have transportation.

it wasn't until later that night that i started thinking about my thought life. so somehow it was okay to basically curse every step of the way to a christian camp just because you're annoyed or humiliated? no. that's so obvious when you put it right next to each other. cursing on the way to christian camp?! yikes. cringe worthy.

+also did i mention my retreat had been paid for, i indeed had a ride--moreover one with wonderful people, my boss gave me three days off when i was scheduled to work, ....and when it comes down to it, i was fortunate enough to own things to carry, and what's more--had a set of legs to even let me walk up that hill.

...but it still hurt at the time.
so do we do that in life? refuse to be thankful?

case in point: 2:21AM: this morning: i'm the only one home. two drunk guys from the party next door pound at our door for a solid two minutes, and then peed under our door. i cannot see the brightside of this. anymeans. soaked our rug. as i clean it up, in our dark kitchen, half afraid, and half wondering what i ever did to them [nothing]. i cannot see any redeeming value.

i was angry all day.

until now, what? ten o clock.

i realize.... maybe i needed it to make me humble.

down on my knees cleaning up someone else's urine, you feel pretty degraded. but truely, God, i think i needed that. 

well

i'm in the lab, again. and shh! it's after hours, but no one is in sight. will probably be here the rest of the night.

...i'm not sure why i had to write that, just to document my life as it dwindles away, i 'suppose.

this happy little song came on my pandora:

reminds me of summer and france.

back to this totally extensive illustrator project.