keep your coins, i want change

I used to change a lot when I was little.

First the princess dress went on, then the white kid-leather cowboy boots with heels. Next minute it was my Minnie t-shirt... I never stayed in the same outfit for long. Days were an endless transformation from one dream to the next. Is it any wonder I love fashion so much?

I don't remember when it was that I started to not like change. Perhaps it was the day I had to move away from my friend next door? Was it when I was too tall to fit in the Fisher-Price Flintstone Car?

I'm not sure. I've had a million and one changes since then... thank God. And I can say that honestly... thank God for all the changes He's brought me through. 

Humans are naturally inclined to be resistant to change. I was reading a marketing blurb the other day about a couple reasons people resist change:

• When the reason for the change is unclear, ambiguity can trigger negative reactions among users.
• When the proposed users have not been consulted about the change, and it is offered to them as an accomplished fact.  People like to know what's going on, and feel informed and in a perceived state of control.
• When the change threatens to modify established patterns of working relationships between people.
• When communication about the change has not been sufficient.
• When the benefits and rewards for making the change are not seen as adequate for the trouble involved.

It makes sense; change is not pleasant. It's an ending. It's a replacement of the known with the unknown.

I'm realizing though.. change is necessary. It is what facilitates growth.

I was on a walk with a friend last week in this beautiful fall weather and I noticed the most gorgeous fiery red and orange maple tree. The leaves were slowly fluttering to the ground around us as we walked. Jesus often told his followers to look to nature-- the lilies of the fields, the birds... Proverbs tells us to look to the ant... I can't help but feel God had a special message for me.

Sometimes letting go of something you thought was good is the only way that something better can happen.

As I watched each leaf fall to the ground, it was like the tree was uncurling a clenched finger one after another until only an open palm toward heaven was left.

God, thank you for bringing about change... and help me to embrace it gracefully like the tree.

height difference

3 weeks ago i was sleeping a nice round 6 inches off the floor via make-shift mattress and cotton sheet... (ah the bliss of moving! read: back: snap, crackle, pop)

one would tend to assume with the near floor-to-body proximity i would have felt especially 'grounded' at the time. ha, i can't imagine anything further from the truth. i could have sworn the room was spinning with the crazy thoughts in my head.

a hectic move across town... and twenty billion bills later, i stare upward and see bare white walls going up to meet the speckled dots once again.

it's confusing lying flat on the floor one week to overlooking the railing from a 3 story mansion for some doctor i work for the next...
life looks different...
and the same. i'm still the same.
it wouldn't matter if i was on a 30,000 ft. mountaintop or in the mariana trench... i've got the same problems, same difficulties. there are things not even the best environment can change...

and that's actually a good thing.

it's why i need God.

i'm not enough. my problems are too big for me. my failures-- are detrimental. like the old poem says 'i cannot ever pay the debt'.

at these moments, i'm so thankful for love that has a higher vantage than me. that there is promise of sunshine behind the clouds, and order in the chaos.

God, i'm just going to be hangin on for dear life, cause on your shoulders is the only time i can see.

neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. romans 8:39

oh Lord,

be my firm foundation.

transience
noun
the state or fact of lasting only for a short time; transitory nature.
i.e. "the transience of life and happiness"

summer showers/seasons/feelings/breath and existence... all are subject to change, and have no guarantee as to their length.

the grass withereth, the flower fadeth, but God your Word shall stand for ever.

on time, as if on cue

the elevator door opens and dings. i look up quickly, across the foyer, strangely expecting some sort of answer to my thoughts. instead a woman hurries into the door, her larger frame filling the space. across the back what is most likely a ladies workout express t-shirt, can be read

"Change. Begins when we cease to fear."
somehow i think that answers my question.

hermit crab

though everybody has a shell, it's tough when they start to exclude you because of yours...

be resourceful, cute, and CARE LESS!

this would be me.

in the "fish out of water, making a big leap, no longer a small fish in a small cup, and don't know anybody in the other bowl" sort of way.