About Me
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Monday, May 9, 2016
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
stubborn love
...and no, i don't mean the song by the same name. but... let's just put it in there, because i love it. ;)
i think it's interesting that the ancient greeks made all their gods imperfect and irrational. every single one of them. they got angry over little insults; they let their lusts carry them away (zeus; aphrodite and ares); they would steal from each other (hermes); they got into petty feuds with one another (zeus and hera).
it's interesting to me how even in our much more modern development of powerful "superheroes"~ all still have their fatal flaws. it's like someone out there was saying "we can't make them tooo perfect, or no one will believe it." and there you have it, boom: #relatable was born. ;)
but, i mean i get it. i actually really appreciate some of the stories in the bible for instance, that really showed people in their humanness... and how God worked though that anyway.
don't tell me that God can't use flawed people, cause i know he can.
i couldn't agree more with the 18th century hymn writers... and echo their "prone to wander Lord I feel it". i may or may not have a reputation of being 'difficult' especially with the people that love me. spiritually, i often feel like who am i for God to use me. i've been timid, i've been hot-headed, i've been hateful, i've been all flaws combined at one time or another.
what better allegory of our Father's love than the story of the prodigal son from luke 15:
20 “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
i think it's interesting that the ancient greeks made all their gods imperfect and irrational. every single one of them. they got angry over little insults; they let their lusts carry them away (zeus; aphrodite and ares); they would steal from each other (hermes); they got into petty feuds with one another (zeus and hera).
it's interesting to me how even in our much more modern development of powerful "superheroes"~ all still have their fatal flaws. it's like someone out there was saying "we can't make them tooo perfect, or no one will believe it." and there you have it, boom: #relatable was born. ;)
but, i mean i get it. i actually really appreciate some of the stories in the bible for instance, that really showed people in their humanness... and how God worked though that anyway.
i mean you have moses who couldn't speak,gideon who was totally afraid,peter who was an idiot hothead,david who was an adulturous murder,and lazarus who was dead, for heaven's sake.
don't tell me that God can't use flawed people, cause i know he can.
i couldn't agree more with the 18th century hymn writers... and echo their "prone to wander Lord I feel it". i may or may not have a reputation of being 'difficult' especially with the people that love me. spiritually, i often feel like who am i for God to use me. i've been timid, i've been hot-headed, i've been hateful, i've been all flaws combined at one time or another.
i am so thankful i have a God that runs after me with that boundless measure of stubborn love when i am just being stupid.
what better allegory of our Father's love than the story of the prodigal son from luke 15:
20 “But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
21 “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
22 “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. 23 Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. 24 For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’
God, thanks for not giving up on me. ❤
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Wednesday, April 23, 2014
In the words of
the sometimes simplistically elegant jack johnson,
"lovin' someone... don't make them love you"
i should know, i've been on both sides of the coin a few too many times than i care to remember.
oh God, remember those prayers consisting solely of the words "lord, make him love me" chanted over and over?! yeah, i'm not proud of it. teenage desperation, what can i say. (would you like some over-easy eggs with that rare honesty?) .... hey, at least i admit it.
anyways, women get the notorious bad (w)rap for this, {though we alllll do it}, we basically want what we can't have.
maybe it traces back to the garden of eden, or was it when the notebook came out?~ who knows. but i've also blocked enough numbers of real-life stalker dudes to know that it is by no means a female-exclusive issue.
it's been my experience in relationships (heck, even in friendships too), that there is always one person of the two that cares a little less than the other.
yeah i'll be the 7 billionth person to commiserate right with you:
"one-sided relationships.. suck"
so don't be in one.
that's right, you heard me right~
you do have a choice in the matter don't you?
don't waste your time on something you know is one-sided. here's a bright idea~ just be excellent to each other. and that's it. all those unrealistic expectations for that other person? throw 'em right out the window. giving to get is not any kind of real love.
it's amazing what a freeing feeling that is to quit trying to play God and conniving your way into a relationship with someone that wasn't meant to be. plus, it seems like a pretty widely accepted fact that it's all around just 'better' to not be delusional.
i mean, follow my example if nothing else~ me and david beckham have somehow managed to stay pretty amicable throughout the years.... even though i told him he's too old for me and i don't even like sports.
"lovin' someone... don't make them love you"
i should know, i've been on both sides of the coin a few too many times than i care to remember.
oh God, remember those prayers consisting solely of the words "lord, make him love me" chanted over and over?! yeah, i'm not proud of it. teenage desperation, what can i say. (would you like some over-easy eggs with that rare honesty?) .... hey, at least i admit it.
anyways, women get the notorious bad (w)rap for this, {though we alllll do it}, we basically want what we can't have.
maybe it traces back to the garden of eden, or was it when the notebook came out?~ who knows. but i've also blocked enough numbers of real-life stalker dudes to know that it is by no means a female-exclusive issue.
it's been my experience in relationships (heck, even in friendships too), that there is always one person of the two that cares a little less than the other.
yeah i'll be the 7 billionth person to commiserate right with you:
"one-sided relationships.. suck"
so don't be in one.
that's right, you heard me right~
you do have a choice in the matter don't you?
don't waste your time on something you know is one-sided. here's a bright idea~ just be excellent to each other. and that's it. all those unrealistic expectations for that other person? throw 'em right out the window. giving to get is not any kind of real love.
it's amazing what a freeing feeling that is to quit trying to play God and conniving your way into a relationship with someone that wasn't meant to be. plus, it seems like a pretty widely accepted fact that it's all around just 'better' to not be delusional.
i mean, follow my example if nothing else~ me and david beckham have somehow managed to stay pretty amicable throughout the years.... even though i told him he's too old for me and i don't even like sports.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
nicks, burns, and fenders
'i could just... kick myself.' ah, said those words a few too many times.
and lets not even talk about regrets, i have surprisingly many for someone that doesn't believe in living life looking backwards. all the same~ ideology aside, they're there. p e r m a n e n t . and ugly.
this summer i had the chance to be home for a brief bit, which was (let me tell you!) wonderful. but, i don't know if many would understand this, at the same time it was very memory-inducing, if that's even a thing. i blame you, vile cardboard boxes!
memories are a good thing, most of the time. and if you're perfect: all the time, i suppose~
but sometimes for those of the other 99% of the population that came down with the streak of stupid, not. so. much.
i mean, for one, i have only to look around the house to see a historical record of some of my young atrocities. at the kitchen counter is the large circular burn ring from the time i hastily yanked a boiling-over pan off the burner.. and onto the flammable laminate beside it. the ugly scar of sorts is there to date. might not seam like a big deal, but it really bothers me.
there are things that really can't be fixed. things that were caused by me. my intentional or unintentional stupidity that others had to suffer for. maybe it's that i'm getting older or learning to take responsibility but it's painful to think on these things now.
the age-old: 'view from the valley before the perspective of a hill.' and yeah.. i know, then even the hill looks different in 20 years.
oh i can remember the times i swelled with joy at the feeling of parent's car keys hitting my hot little teenager hands. yes! i was independent! i was free! i could drive alone! one day to my dismay, when i returned from whatever activity or another, a nasty dent was waiting for me on the rear bumper by some hit and run. i had ruined my parents car!! well, not me, but some other idiotic student driver like myself. ugh. i shake my head now. why?! driving alone's not that fun anyway! why was i so stupid? i could have just as easily let my parents drop me off back then, with no chance of that happening.
i definitely feel really bad about all of these things. and it gets me thinking... what about things not so tangible? where's the insurance payout for the internal damage i've left on others feelings, hearts...
what nicks and burns and fender benders have i inflicted deep upon others?
i guess i'm really thankful for God (and people like my parents!) who don't just overlook my mistakes but choose to forgive. the Bible says that 'love keeps no record of wrongs'...
for this i am so thankful...
especially when they are (very visibly) permanently etched into a counter top or dented into your car.
❤
and lets not even talk about regrets, i have surprisingly many for someone that doesn't believe in living life looking backwards. all the same~ ideology aside, they're there. p e r m a n e n t . and ugly.
this summer i had the chance to be home for a brief bit, which was (let me tell you!) wonderful. but, i don't know if many would understand this, at the same time it was very memory-inducing, if that's even a thing. i blame you, vile cardboard boxes!
memories are a good thing, most of the time. and if you're perfect: all the time, i suppose~
but sometimes for those of the other 99% of the population that came down with the streak of stupid, not. so. much.
i mean, for one, i have only to look around the house to see a historical record of some of my young atrocities. at the kitchen counter is the large circular burn ring from the time i hastily yanked a boiling-over pan off the burner.. and onto the flammable laminate beside it. the ugly scar of sorts is there to date. might not seam like a big deal, but it really bothers me.
there are things that really can't be fixed. things that were caused by me. my intentional or unintentional stupidity that others had to suffer for. maybe it's that i'm getting older or learning to take responsibility but it's painful to think on these things now.
the age-old: 'view from the valley before the perspective of a hill.' and yeah.. i know, then even the hill looks different in 20 years.
oh i can remember the times i swelled with joy at the feeling of parent's car keys hitting my hot little teenager hands. yes! i was independent! i was free! i could drive alone! one day to my dismay, when i returned from whatever activity or another, a nasty dent was waiting for me on the rear bumper by some hit and run. i had ruined my parents car!! well, not me, but some other idiotic student driver like myself. ugh. i shake my head now. why?! driving alone's not that fun anyway! why was i so stupid? i could have just as easily let my parents drop me off back then, with no chance of that happening.
i definitely feel really bad about all of these things. and it gets me thinking... what about things not so tangible? where's the insurance payout for the internal damage i've left on others feelings, hearts...
what nicks and burns and fender benders have i inflicted deep upon others?
i guess i'm really thankful for God (and people like my parents!) who don't just overlook my mistakes but choose to forgive. the Bible says that 'love keeps no record of wrongs'...
for this i am so thankful...
especially when they are (very visibly) permanently etched into a counter top or dented into your car.
❤
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
home for christmas
i know what most people mention as their favorite part of being home for the holidays:
rest, relaxation, good food, loved ones near and dear, shopping, gift-giving, usual stuff..
it's not that those things don't matter to me, they just don't make my tip top favorites ;)
5. movies: i never ever watch movies unless i'm home. i mean i'll watch a rare spot of tv every once in a blue moon, but only in less than 15 min sittings. so hard to beat the experience of a crowded couch with blankets at home.
4. frizzy hair: home is the remarkable one place on earth where when i leave my hair alone and let it do it's natural curly way; instead of strange looks, i get genuine "wow! you're hair looks so good like that!
3. no alarm clocks: unbeknownst to any of my immediate family, i am usually a very early riser during the school year; however, at home i have come to be known as some species of hibernating bear that is not to be woken. i very much try to maintain the image.
2. sweatpants: my family is probably the only ones who would ever love me in my sweatpants. seriously, you haven't seen these sweatpants. that's how i can tell it's real love.
1. craziness: i guess i just really like how they put up with me. and i can be silly and random all i want and they can't judge me, because they're weird too ♥
rest, relaxation, good food, loved ones near and dear, shopping, gift-giving, usual stuff..
it's not that those things don't matter to me, they just don't make my tip top favorites ;)
5. movies: i never ever watch movies unless i'm home. i mean i'll watch a rare spot of tv every once in a blue moon, but only in less than 15 min sittings. so hard to beat the experience of a crowded couch with blankets at home.
4. frizzy hair: home is the remarkable one place on earth where when i leave my hair alone and let it do it's natural curly way; instead of strange looks, i get genuine "wow! you're hair looks so good like that!
3. no alarm clocks: unbeknownst to any of my immediate family, i am usually a very early riser during the school year; however, at home i have come to be known as some species of hibernating bear that is not to be woken. i very much try to maintain the image.
2. sweatpants: my family is probably the only ones who would ever love me in my sweatpants. seriously, you haven't seen these sweatpants. that's how i can tell it's real love.
1. craziness: i guess i just really like how they put up with me. and i can be silly and random all i want and they can't judge me, because they're weird too ♥
 |
| merry christmas! |
Friday, August 17, 2012
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
things you should try
merci chocolates. they are so delicious, literally the best chocolate i have ever tasted. mmm!
the library. any, but especially this one.
a read that will change how you look at the world:
ron paul for president. http://www.ronpaul2012.com/
sufjan stevens. never thought i would, but love him. note to self: listen to more.
the library. any, but especially this one.
a read that will change how you look at the world:
and
sufjan stevens. never thought i would, but love him. note to self: listen to more.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
turning nights into day,
stars in the sky, boots in the hay.
you are whatever i want,
anything i need,
cold, ice, warmness creeping through.
instead why don't you match the weather?
you're so untrue.
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
love isnt a fixation.
love doesn't age me, string me on a high,
make me clear my throat because its so dry.
love doesn't make me unable to sleep at night.
have you forgotten?
so have i.
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
i stopped growing,
it was you who stunted me.
with your false lies of energy
ruining my concentration,
i thought you were good for me.
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
so much bitterness, i can taste it,
i drank in your covering of sweetness,
because i wanted to.
raspberry salve is good, but is it not better to not be bruised?
well latte, moo you're not the innocent calf;
i look back with a laugh.
and more empty than full of your caffeine
at least for one, i can glean:
you made my heart beat fast... but that aint love.
stars in the sky, boots in the hay.
you are whatever i want,
anything i need,
cold, ice, warmness creeping through.
instead why don't you match the weather?
you're so untrue.
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
love isnt a fixation.
love doesn't age me, string me on a high,
make me clear my throat because its so dry.
love doesn't make me unable to sleep at night.
have you forgotten?
so have i.
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
i stopped growing,
it was you who stunted me.
with your false lies of energy
ruining my concentration,
i thought you were good for me.
starbucks you make my heart beat fast, but this aint love.
so much bitterness, i can taste it,
i drank in your covering of sweetness,
because i wanted to.
raspberry salve is good, but is it not better to not be bruised?
well latte, moo you're not the innocent calf;
i look back with a laugh.
and more empty than full of your caffeine
at least for one, i can glean:
you made my heart beat fast... but that aint love.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
beloved
place me like a seal over your heart, like a seal on your arm; for love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blazing fire, like a mighty flame. song of solomon 8:6
Sunday, April 17, 2011
can i have a dollar for me?
really want:
http://www.tobi.com/product/35351-keds-champion-saddle-sneakers?color_id=43977
wouldn't they really be perfect with skinny jeans! .. i almost don't want anyone else to discover them. :S
wouldn't they really be perfect with skinny jeans! .. i almost don't want anyone else to discover them. :S
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
while it's still today
(15 min after valentine's) i will listen to my valentine playlist--songs that remind me of the people i love more than any other people.
dad: "tomorrow"
mom: "first day of my life"
jedidiah: "daylight"
josiah: "you've got a friend in me"
micah: "baby, baby"
i think i will feel a little bit sad and happy, and go to bed.
dad: "tomorrow"
mom: "first day of my life"
jedidiah: "daylight"
josiah: "you've got a friend in me"
micah: "baby, baby"
i think i will feel a little bit sad and happy, and go to bed.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
playas and pilgrims
dear envelopes,
turns out life isn't so nice sometimes. sometimes.. when i think about it, i'm not nice.
i dumped a guy after he told me he thought i was hotter with straight hair.
there i said it. i know it is completely whacked out, but that's basically the drift of it. well, to back up and be completely honest, that stupid sentence was what finally woke me up, the first clue in, from what was becoming a toxic relationship {you would have thought it should have been that he was 6years older than me, wasn't a Christian..but "spiritual", pushed me in some compromising situations and was a little too confident with himself!- but no, i'm stupid, remember, and he was charming.} i wish i had those months back i wasted with that dude. i don't know how to describe it, but the hair thing just completely struck a chord in me and i didn't like it. i know my hair is all sorts of curly messy, uncontrollable, entirely too long, but well, that's me. and if someone doesn't accept how God made me, or like me au naturale, then i'm seriously not the right person for them. you can take your "i'm not going to love you in humidity or a rainstorm" self right outta here!
and it's not even about the curly hair, that's just like a symptom of the fact that he was trying to change me to fit into his life. hm, i have a better idea: why don't we just find a robot that looks like your past 3 girlfriends, straighten her hair, stick a beer in one hand and a foam hand for your favorite football team in the other!
God, what was i thinking! i love so easily.
i'm tired. i'm tired of the playas who make you believe all the far east lyrics, i'm tired of the pilgrims that can't look at you or they'll die or something.
turns out life isn't so nice sometimes. sometimes.. when i think about it, i'm not nice.
i dumped a guy after he told me he thought i was hotter with straight hair.
there i said it. i know it is completely whacked out, but that's basically the drift of it. well, to back up and be completely honest, that stupid sentence was what finally woke me up, the first clue in, from what was becoming a toxic relationship {you would have thought it should have been that he was 6years older than me, wasn't a Christian..but "spiritual", pushed me in some compromising situations and was a little too confident with himself!- but no, i'm stupid, remember, and he was charming.} i wish i had those months back i wasted with that dude. i don't know how to describe it, but the hair thing just completely struck a chord in me and i didn't like it. i know my hair is all sorts of curly messy, uncontrollable, entirely too long, but well, that's me. and if someone doesn't accept how God made me, or like me au naturale, then i'm seriously not the right person for them. you can take your "i'm not going to love you in humidity or a rainstorm" self right outta here!
and it's not even about the curly hair, that's just like a symptom of the fact that he was trying to change me to fit into his life. hm, i have a better idea: why don't we just find a robot that looks like your past 3 girlfriends, straighten her hair, stick a beer in one hand and a foam hand for your favorite football team in the other!
God, what was i thinking! i love so easily.
i'm tired. i'm tired of the playas who make you believe all the far east lyrics, i'm tired of the pilgrims that can't look at you or they'll die or something.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
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