this makes me cry

what the video doesn't share but this article does, is a bit about the boy battling tears in the red sweatshirt. he's one of the "cool" kids, he's the quarterback of the football team-- the guy everyone looks up to and emulates. kids are so mean, and i can guarantee no one would have stood up for the poor "waterboy" if a "celebrity" of sorts hadn't done something. yes, i know its a beautiful thing that he stood up against the bullying and influenced the entire team to stand up for the boy, but still it makes me sad. how many times is a child somewhere not stood up for? how many times is someone disabled, quiet and shy, or even "different" in any imaginable way "kicked under the bus" emotionally or physically? people are so mean. i'm a supposed adult~ and even today i can not grow a thick enough skin fast enough for how i get ripped up & bad-talked. it's hard, and i can't even imagine being a young child picked on and taking everything so deeply. i pray for every little heart out there, God protect them.

a pang

People pass by slowly,

And then are invisible.

Even the most constant hum upon the ears--

Will, by its consistency, become dull.

Ah! But what of the pain that smoke creates?

Surely that!

Blackening up the lungs and smothering breath;

This vile thing is not forgotten?

Nay; but even this, floats away

Till merely tendrils~ in the tenderest trail.

O why this drift?

Why this ebb of memory?

"Lost but not forgotten" marble always reads;

Though writ in stone, it tells little truth.

Eternal Throne Above,

Oh Thee alone know these all, 

One by one, forgotten.

Bend Thine arm and save that which is Lost!

oh middle class

while you stand arguing how you can indeed combine your two expired 25% off coupons on a 27.98 coupon-exclusion item, this happens. http://www.flickr.com/photos/arnade/sets/72157627894114489/

i wonder how God doesn't get tired of us. of our endless self-absorption.

you can be thankful i'm not all-powerful, i would all too quickly throw up my hands and say "whew! i'm through with putting up with that!"

yet, somehow... wondrously... Long ago the LORD said: "I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love. With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself. jer. 31:3

i don't understand it.

autumn bus stop

leaves with an ardency, akin to fury,  rush down hitting my face,

angrily removed from loftier heights by the direct of time.

groaning, gasping wind seeking cracks in bricks, and jacket rips

riled: wanting where it is not, unsatisfied.


people stand blowing breath, like impatient horses;

and hands bearing pulse, made only to

touch

shoved far down, encased deep into pockets.

day in the life

{finals week}
9:45 barely wake up. stayed awake most of night/day before. try to find clothes and the match to shoe. get ready,pile 20 pounds books supplies and computer into bag.
10:30 high-tail it out down interstate to be filmed for kirkwood. avoided cop speed trap.
11:00 find parking spot. i was supposed to be at appt.
11:10 get to 102. late. out of breath. horrible hair. he was a really nice interviewer but young i got soso nervous. i kept messing up my words. horrible, not making this up. caught on film and impression for all eternity.
12:00 stats class with my incredibly good looking professor--his best color is red! we did group work that I am nervous about--still have not finished.
1:00 comp class-- nervous to go because do not have my part of powerpoint done and have not turned in proposal that was due long time ago. still went.
1:50 walk all the way from cedar to linn parking lot outside with little tee on. very cold. see someone i see all the time but they always look at their feet. awkward all around. try to find car. go home incredibly stressed, call mother. get text on the road from person at work wanting me to work for them.
2-4 run around with my head cut of at home/eat/get ready/yell at mom just because stressed/and try to figure out if i can add yet another thing to schedule. then phone call from friend wanting project info from last year buried somewhere in my computer.
4:30 jump in car to charge to dress rehearsal.
5:00 sit around waiting and then learn two routines.. don't know them very well.am i going to be able to do this day of show?
6:30 have to leave when it's just really starting to get going and real run-thru. people are probably mad.
7:15 get to hair appt. ONLY time hair appt would work before show and london. highlights and cut. lied about where i live. loser. generally was pretty nice for a brittney, nicest i've ever met. thank God text person doesn't still want me to come into work.
8:45 done, give 8 dollar tip, because i determined beforehand i would not overtip (like always)except now in this case, probably should have. new customer: write down address-- have to write home. caught in lie.
9:00 home. jiggity-ji... nevermind. people are mad at me.remember because i yelled?
11:04 sorry to everyone. and sorry for me. and i'm too tired to make people believe that i really do mean it.

when you're blue...

don't listen to adele. but then again, who am i to talk?