unsung hero

Fun quiz

 

***How to tell if you or your friends are Arrogant!***
Fun, brand new quiz!

Since it has been the over-whelming trend in politics to say whatever idiotic thing is on your mind...
today I will offer the world a great service and only say part of what I'm thinking. ;-)

Something I don't understand and will never understand is why people love arrogant people so darn much!

Why would you love/respect/admire someone whose care and concern is only for their own pathetic self?! I just don't get it. Plus arrogant people are not exactly a barrel of fun to be around anyways.
Society feeds the lie that the Ego is great and to be worshiped... the "put yourself first" braggart mentality abounds... so common even among believers. I like what Einstein said better:

God, save our country. Save us from ourselves. Keep us from being wise fools.    

I can't help but echo the words of a man nearly forty years ago... convicts me every time I hear it... "And I know how I ought to be, alive to You and dead to me."

More of you, less of me.

good thought.

'turning toward'

so recently i was thinking about an article i read on buzzfeed a few months ago.

yeah, i know, i know! i shouldn't be reading buzzfeed as a valid source of news or really any factual information. to you i say: chill. i am aware of that, get off my back.

(more than likely, it was probably something in the endless facebook quiz feed  your annoying 2nd-cousin-twice-removed's middle-age aunt posted). [eye-roll.]

anyway, i thought this aforementioned article was obviously deserving mention for two main reasons:
#1.) months later, i actually remembered this dumb article!!
#2.) the sheer unlikelihood of #1. happening.

basically this article talks about what is the "secret" of long-term marriages. one thing they cited (does buzzfeed even cite things?!) was the strong correlation between couples that "turn toward one another" after a 'fishing' type behavior, and between the marriages that actually lasted.

an example of a fishing behavior would be the guy/girl saying "ah, nice day we've been having". at first glance, a truly pointless statement. first, it does not really share any meaningful information. second, it does not ask any question to the other, even requiring a response. the buzzfeed article argues this is a subliminal "fishing" line cast~ and is now up to the other person whether they "turn in" for a bite.

anyone else feel like i'm describing something on animal planet? ugh sorry. i think i've explained it enough. summary line: buzzfeed was saying that couples that made the effort to "turn toward" one another emotionally were the ones that lasted and had happy marriages.

whether or not this is the case, i'm sure Lord only knows, and it really doesn't have all that much relevance to me... but still. i want to be a more "turning toward" type of person.

i think these past couple weeks i've done a tiny bit better. i can't tell you how many times in the past [read: very many] i have accidentally totally blown people off that were trying to talk to me. it's really not intentional, i am such a busy person and feel like i'm constantly running around with my head cut-off.

it just happens. then, i'll be charging down the interstate much later and be like 'ohhhhhh, that so & so was really trying hard to start a conversation with me and i was running 10mph carrying 20lbs of crap in the other direction and running to a meeting.'

so yeah. busyness could account for 95% of the problem (and i am working to cut down on that) but... that other 5%?

i guess i don't like being vulnerable.

i don't want to get hurt again.

i don't like exposing myself...

but anyway, i guess it's good for me, albeit not pleasant. case in point: a friend that i really started opening up to and being real with, called me fat. there's a whole story to it, yes... but no joke. i know it shouldn't have, but it did hurt my feelings. (i mean, who says that other than mean jealousy girls?!)

sometimes when you spend time investing in someone (leaning in, 'turning toward' behaviors) it *does* result in the person taking the bite... and then sometimes chomping down much too hard. it's essentially letting someone close enough to hurt you.

[[edit]]
ok, i found the article. turns out it's not buzzfeed, but hey, you know all about what i'm talking about now. ;)

may

ah that sentimental time of year when all the little high school seniors are hatching and ready to spread their wings to the world.

i can remember those days.. (albeit though they become increasingly blurry, year to year.)

oh yeah and that song 'i hope you dance'... yes, that.

for all it's sappy tear-inducing guilt-trip type qualities in the guise of being inspirational-- i wonder if it is really the best advice, you know to tell these young impressionable people?

"And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance... I hope you dance."

just throwing it out there, i've had to sit out a few dances {metaphorically} in life since then. (plus non-metaphorically i'm not going to win dancing with the stars anytime soon! --that was a joke, in case you missed it lol ;)

sometimes the very best decision you can make is to step back, let go, and let God. i feel like part of being an adult is being able to accept there is often a waiting period. and, being okay with that.

but anyway, how these thoughts even got here in the first place is i heard this song on the radio:

and i was just thinking how i would much i prefer it over lee ann womack's crooning any day. it just would be a better graduation song all around. 

"Let's face it. Mother Teresa doesn't look that good in a negligee. And Team Hoyt won't sell beer commercials to the networks. But when the ball players and the supermodels end up in rehab, we end up asking esoteric questions about what makes a hero. In the movies the good looking actor who gets the girl is easy to point to. But after he gets the girl, then the house, and then a few kids and then a divorce and then another girl. Then what? After all of the special effects are gone, we're left with an aging mortal who looks a bit awkward on the talk shows. Perhaps we've set our goals too low. Or perhaps we've got it backwards." --Jon Foreman

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jon-foreman/goodness-precedes-greatne_b_322551.html

In the words of

the sometimes simplistically elegant jack johnson,
"lovin' someone... don't make them love you"

i should know, i've been on both sides of the coin a few too many times than i care to remember.

oh God, remember those prayers consisting solely of the words "lord, make him love me" chanted over and over?! yeah, i'm not proud of it. teenage desperation, what can i say. (would you like some over-easy eggs with that rare honesty?) .... hey, at least i admit it.

anyways, women get the notorious bad (w)rap for this, {though we alllll do it}, we basically want what we can't have.

maybe it traces back to the garden of eden, or was it when the notebook came out?~ who knows. but i've also blocked enough numbers of real-life stalker dudes to know that it is by no means a female-exclusive issue.

it's been my experience in relationships (heck, even in friendships too), that there is always one person of the two that cares a little less than the other.

yeah i'll be the 7 billionth person to commiserate right with you:
"one-sided relationships.. suck"

so don't be in one.
that's right, you heard me right~
you do have a choice in the matter don't you?

don't waste your time on something you know is one-sided. here's a bright idea~ just be excellent to each other. and that's it. all those unrealistic expectations for that other person? throw 'em right out the window. giving to get is not any kind of real love.

it's amazing what a freeing feeling that is to quit trying to play God and conniving your way into a relationship with someone that wasn't meant to be. plus, it seems like a pretty widely accepted fact that it's all around just 'better' to not be delusional.

i mean, follow my example if nothing else~ me and david beckham have somehow managed to stay pretty amicable throughout the years.... even though i told him he's too old for me and i don't even like sports.

creative::

good old shel silverstein... how accurate is this caricature. i absolutely hate how it is such the modern norm to criticize anyone who has a different way of thinking. 

(well, {you say}missy, you're in fact criticizing those that think criticizing is good.)

1st of all don't call me 'missy'~it's ms. to you! & second of all let me make a point haha.

i was reading this very good article and was just struck once again wondering why everyone seems to think we all need to think the same way. "big business" is notorious for this. why don't we zap away all aspects of functioning humanity and make you essentially a juke box robot??! push the button, get the song. only in this case... song and dance. 

sweeping things under the... placemat

years and years ago, growing up in eastern idaho, i was a child with a few strong dislikes in the area of mealtime delicacies. namely, my particular distaste was for vegetables that were cooked and green in nature: broccoli, lentils, lima beans, brussel sprouts, peas... i hated them all!

one day, to my despair, peas were once again on the dinner menu~ and i resolved then and there that i simply would not eat any peas at all (in my vision) from that day forward! declaring such a goal was completely out of the question, so i devised a more devious means.

slowly but surely throughout dinner, while people were talking, i quietly picked up a single pea, glanced around the table, and put it under the rim of my plate. my little process was noticed by no one~ so i grew bolder and put more and more, completely encircling the plate. i smiled with inward glee, the rim of my plate overlapped in just the right manner to completely hide my entire store of nasty peas.

i remember even being congratulated for "doing such a good job eating all my peas" and i remember feeling so incredibly smart for my little "illusion."

"why don't you bring your plates to the sink when you're finished eating."

over the clatter of clanging dishes, as i heard those words, my heart sunk to my knees. with a dull sense of dread, i knew once i lifted my "clean" plate off the table, an entire serving of little green peas would come spilling out.


i hadn't thought of that.

--

all will be revealed. those are some scary words for all of us. it makes me think of how in life its pretty easy to be a "clean plate" to others around you with them never knowing the sin you're hiding underneath it all.

1. admitting you even have a problem is the first step & probably half the battle. Jesus did not take kindly to people that thought their little illusion was good enough: "Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean." (Matthew 23:27)

2. being sobered by the vast ugliness of our sin. the reality is that we can't simply "clean it up". there is no way, it's not possible for us. one sin is enough to eternally separate us from God, how much more all of our sins!

3. realizing that God doesn't grade on the "curve" of how much it appears you're ok in reference to how dirty others are. He has a perfect standard= perfection or fail.

4.applying God's grace is our only salvation. in Christ, we are freed from the control of sin and we are more than conquerors! God's grace was never meant to be after we get ourselves "cleaned up first"~ how insulting to God's gift: he made a way for us, when He knew there was none.

5. and last~remembering the forgiveness of Jesus. the woman being stoned for adultery~ how beautifully Jesus forgave her!

let's stop sweeping things under the placemat... take our dirty plate piled high with sins, give it to Jesus, and never look back!



...and don't forget to say "thank you!"

fall sweaters

God, after today all i can say is~ you have quite the sense of humor! ;) & i have the sneaking suspicion you  love these sweater looks as much as I do?

time.time.time.

i think we're running all-together quite short of it, these days in our part of the world.
just blink and lo! it shall be spent.

i hear summer's edging away into August or September, and soon will be gone~
tsk, i truly abhor the news. i guess the profession does employ a few, but dreadful all the same.

anyways, at least some have been making use of the rapidly 'flying' time i suppose--
don't call them the birds and the bees for nothing, all right; flit and flight-ing all about!
what were once meadows are swarming locust fields by now~

oh me oh my-- have you seen how the magazines are quite filling up these days?  titles like "150 things you MUST do in your 20's", or "ways to lose weight FAST", and don't let me fail to mention the very popular "Busyness Weekly"--

alas, there is simply no TIME to peruse these imperative reads, we can thank providence surely for download NOW option for 9.99 each!


what. is all. this speeding FOR?! why the great hurry?
(i'm more than a little embarrassed to ask); for you see~

"to stop a running bull in his tracks, is to encounter the horns."

quiet.

i'm not shy, i'm not anti-social. i'm not a non-communicator. i'm just quiet.

loud feet outside the door in the hallway. blaring horns, music and tv's turned up too loud.

at times i just really do not feel like talking. it never really seems to get me anywhere anyway these days. no one listens. i can understand what is going on without needing words.

these long november nights just make me want a warm sunny patch of ground in a forest and a friend i can nod to and they will just smile and understand.

the weird thing is i have gotten really good at being a extrovert. i can almost guarantee if you were to be introduced to me, you'd never know. playing the confederate. it's just how i make it by.

being quiet is such an ugly trait to have. people can't stand silence. it makes them nervous. watch people. they have to have be talking, have music on, pretending to text, they can't handle a bit of quiet.

only problem with my little too well-done act, is after time it really wears me out. it makes me day-dream of retreating by myself, only to be interrupted by "GAH! what are you doing staring off into space! i want to talk about such-and-such unimportant such-and-such!"

hermit crab

though everybody has a shell, it's tough when they start to exclude you because of yours...

be resourceful, cute, and CARE LESS!

old hands and long thoughts

i ride the bus a lot. every morning to school and every evening back. i guess i've never calculated it, but probably more than an hour is spent in the function "passenger on a noisy big bus with many people."
it's really okay. not really a big deal.

i just think a lot when i'm on the bus. oh and stare off into space-- two days ago, i was riding the regular route, somehow had managed to snag an actual seat on the bus, for once. tall sweaty people were mashed right up to me, standing, arms holding onto the metal bars over head. it's really pretty awkward to be six inches away from all the generic huge farmer-boys. so anyway i tried to purge my head of disgusting, imagine the smell away, and stare out the window. in the car next to the bus was an image that really intrigued me. it was these hands.

okay not really those particular ones, but so similar.

suddenly, i was lost. they were so beautiful to me. so strange. they were all i could see driving that little beat-up volkswagen with little sunflower on the dash. just those old hands.

mine don't look like that.
i glance down at my own. the bus pulled ahead, and made a wide turn down the next street. sunlight filtered in thorough the window on me. so smooth. so young. they really were a lie. my hands don't tell my story. they don't tell my life yet.

...they say that the first place you can tell a woman's age is by her hands. centuries of hand creams and lotions haven't been able to stop times progress on little wrinkles and furrows, made as the body looses it's natural fat stores there.

it's a sign you are dying.

i mean, not that you are going to physically keel over in the next five minutes, just that that you are following the natural order of things. an external sign that we aren't here forever. it is strange to think that you start to die the minute you are born.

i love old hands, they are so textured and crinkled and carry proud stories of life in another time. age spots and veins are like growth rings on a tree to me, telling quiet reflections of life.

i guess that they just remind me of eternity.

though they remind me we aren't here forever, they remind me that there is a Forever. though there is death in me, there is life in Him.

Then saith he to the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it forth; and it was restored whole Matthew 12:13

He knows my name

it's nice to be called your name.
it's nice when people know your name.

funny story-- yesterday one of my professors mentioned that scientists have found that humans' favorite word is their own name.

i believe it. across a crowded room, you can hear it, or being whispered about next room over by a roomate, your ears naturally perk up.

earlier today on campus, i was talking on the phone and pacing back and forth the sidewalk. two cute guys walked by me, up the sidewalk. then out of no where, i hear my name said. i turn around, way up the side walk the guys have stopped and are looking back. it's very strange. they said my name? i don't know them, do they know me through someone i know? then the guy walks down and pulls out my uid card. ohhhh! i dropped it!!

haha though it was totally unintentional, best pick up line evAR! lol all's left is for shining knight to write me on craigslist, and then we're set! hahahaha

anyways, back on topic, i guess it's nice when people know your name, because you're important. you matter to them. the thrill you feel hearing that the people you interviewed remembered you, or your internship supervisor gave you a good reivew, a wow moment of "huh! they actually knew my name!"

even greater to be known to God. God of the universe.

He knows my name. 

seriously.
knows everything about me. i like hearing that.

this one's about pots.

i really want to take a pottery class.  my eye is twitching. i hate that. it's probably from stress.


dear diary,

i am an ugly pot. i feel like this weird deformed vessel. one you can tell was perhaps meant to hold something at one time or serve some kind of function. however, time and demand of other pressing project orders, was put to the back shelf. here i am.

from here on this ledge oh! it is hard not to envy the almost flute-like graceful sculptural vases, the milky porcelain plates, the painstakenly painted pitcher, teacups with seemingly everything handed to them--rimmed in gold! were they made just to make me discontented? surely not. how silly.

the Master makes no mistakes. i really do not question Him. some evenings i do watch from my shelf and marvel at His hands i see so clearly-- steady, strong, and expertly skilled at accomplishing whatever it was that He wanted to make. overwhemled, my eyes often move from his craftmanship to behind His worktable. plain earthy mugs holding pencils and brushes.
i squint and try to conjecture what even they must feel like, being used! they are not beautiful, really not even very functional, no handle in which to be held-- but rawly shaped to contain something for the Master.

i look down at myself. "i want to be used!" i want to scream out in my little voice. i'm tired of waiting. "when will be my time?" i breathe into the air.

"it's My time." the Master said. "I made you."




What shall we say then? There is no injustice with God, is there? May it never be! For He says to Moses, “ I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion.” So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs, but on God who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, “ For this very purpose I raised you up, to demonstrate My power in you, and that My name might be proclaimed throughout the whole earth.” So then He has mercy on whom He desires, and He hardens whom He desires.
You will say to me then, “ Why does He still find fault? For who resists His will?” On the contrary, who are you, O man, who answers back to God? The thing molded will not say to the molder, “Why did you make me like this,” will it? Or does not the potter have a right over the clay, to make from the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for common use? What if God, although willing to demonstrate His wrath and to make His power known, endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction? And He did so to make known the riches of His glory upon vessels of mercy, which He prepared beforehand for glory, even us, whom He also called, not from among Jews only, but also from among Gentiles. As He says also in Hosea,

“ I will call those who were not My people, ‘My people,’
And her who was not beloved, ‘beloved.’”
 “ And it shall be that in the place where it was said to them, ‘you are not My people,’
There they shall be called sons of the living God.”

anyway./

up on my wall

breathe. listen.

inspiration

i love to be inspired. sometimes i feel like i cannot exist if i am not inspired. for whatever reason known only to God, 'm just set up that way. pep talks, success stories, encouragement, poetry, songs, quotes, are all more than just empty verbage to me, they fill me with varying amounts of brief hope to continue on. The longer i live, the more i realize how very odd this is. save my father, i know virtually no one else that is "fuled" this way.
nearly everyone seems to have a more reward-based drive. and what I mean by that is that they feel complete and happy when they have either accomplished a task, recieved recognition, or have some sort of tangible, measurable progress on a goal. i guess that's too definitive for me. i like a road open before me. i can feel happy in working toward a goal, testing my limits, or in knowing it is possible. sometimes i think people would be happier if they could see the joy and beauty in things even if they haven't recieved their reward yet (even if they never do)... life's a process-- you can't measure it by your successes and failures! what do you do with all the in-between parts?