it's kind of hard

to look on the brightside sometimes.

so... on and off over the last two weeks i have tried to see the good in some of life's unpleasantness... and have found surprisingly many.

i remember one such realization came the day i went to a retreat. i spent the whole 3.4 miles on foot (carrying 4 heavy odd shaped and overstuffed bags & bedding) UPHILL, also may i mention, beside a busy road with leering drivers--with improper footwear on, (and i don't mean the drivers had improper footwear, either! ....but they probably did. meanies.) to the destination where we would be leaving for said retreat.

all that very long sentence to say, i spent every step of that walk of doom saying in my head "crap, crap, crap, crap... " yep, every step. strangely, at the time, i didn't see a thing wrong with this. 

*okay. the hill wasn't so steep that the sidewalk had steps, but... ;)

it was painful, and hurt to be honest. also it was just plain humiliating. i looked like a dork carrying all of that and it didn't help to become expressly notified of this in chicer terms or worse doppler-effect laughing. plus, it's annoying in the first place to not just be able to have transportation.

it wasn't until later that night that i started thinking about my thought life. so somehow it was okay to basically curse every step of the way to a christian camp just because you're annoyed or humiliated? no. that's so obvious when you put it right next to each other. cursing on the way to christian camp?! yikes. cringe worthy.

+also did i mention my retreat had been paid for, i indeed had a ride--moreover one with wonderful people, my boss gave me three days off when i was scheduled to work, ....and when it comes down to it, i was fortunate enough to own things to carry, and what's more--had a set of legs to even let me walk up that hill.

...but it still hurt at the time.
so do we do that in life? refuse to be thankful?

case in point: 2:21AM: this morning: i'm the only one home. two drunk guys from the party next door pound at our door for a solid two minutes, and then peed under our door. i cannot see the brightside of this. anymeans. soaked our rug. as i clean it up, in our dark kitchen, half afraid, and half wondering what i ever did to them [nothing]. i cannot see any redeeming value.

i was angry all day.

until now, what? ten o clock.

i realize.... maybe i needed it to make me humble.

down on my knees cleaning up someone else's urine, you feel pretty degraded. but truely, God, i think i needed that.